I need access to a cartoonist. I want them to draw me this: two rats are taking a subway home -hanging off tiny straps - both are well dressed, and are carrying little (well, they are rats) briefcases. Around them are the feet of their much larger human travellers. One rat says to the other - "You know Maurice, I can't see why they [points upwards] complain about the rat race - the boss gave me three choices today - working with the scientists on stem cell, cancer or smoking/alcohol research. [Coughs] This job is going to be the death of me yet."
But thanks to the contributions of those countless rats in laboratories throughout the world, scientist have now announced that smoking a cigarette while drinking could reduce the 'effect' of alcohol. Of course they probably didn't mean that literally. If you drank and smoked at the same time - you'd get the cigarette wet, and ash in your drink. But back to the research findings. No doubt using very tiny cigarettes and very tiny glasses of alcohol, and having first trained the rats to sit on bar stools, the scientists observed lower alcohol levels in rats that consumed nicotine - meaning more alcohol was absorbed into their blood. (Hopefully the rats were offered lifts home - or at least had their car keys confiscated post-testing.)
The theory hasn't yet been tested on humans - well, not under controlled circumstances - and not knowingly - but if it holds true, it means the more you smoke, the more you need to drink to get the same buzz. Or, obversely, that if you don't want to be as deeply affected by the same amount of alcohol, take up smoking - or smoke more! Could be a marketing campaign in there somewhere if you were of a mind to boost consumption. *cough*
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